not less, not more

What’s the first thing we hear/say when we see a transformation photo – besides “wow you badass, look at you!?” – how about “wow you don’t even look like the same person”, “wow you must feel like a new person”, “I don’t even know that girl and I never wanna be her again” – all of which imply that the person they were is less than the one they are now.  I know it’s hard to find words to congratulate someone’s obviously awesome accomplishment that don’t make that comparison but…

I think we have to be really careful when reviewing our transformations that we don’t make “before” less of or less worthy of a person.

I’m not gonna lie – it’s much more exciting to strut (more like scurry) around the pool in a bikini rather than the flower bathing suit with the detachable skirt.  (I have the picture – it’s an awful bathing suit)

But to look at the person in that picture with detest or lack of respect is a double edged sword.   I’ve talked about this before and it’s a difficult subject to put clearly into words but I’ll try.  FIRST… because it IS you.  No matter what size you were or what decisions you were making that you are not proud of, it is YOU – and it is dangerous to detest YOURSELF.  You can be in want of improvement, in need of changes, but all of those moments and experiences made you who you are and the first step of loving who you are is learning not to hate who you are ;)   It’s difficult to detest yourself and still feel like you were intelligent, loving, a good parent… it gets all kind of lumped together into one ball of “oh God please don’t make me be HER again”.  {It is, however, completely acceptable to detest the swimsuit itself – why on earth would they make that suit? and who would buy it???  haha}

SECOND – because you NEVER know when circumstances, illness, disability, medical condition, etc will land you back into that same physical condition, and if you detest the “old you” now, you’ll detest yourself if you happen to repeat.   Don’t get me wrong, my health and my ego would much prefer to stay in this newly shaped body, but I have to know that I will still like myself as a person if I inhabit another shape :)

I was listening to a webinar with Liz DiAlto, and I am paraphrasing (big time) but this puts into words SOME of that feeling/thought pattern:
you are not MORE or LESS than you’ve ever been, everything you are has always been there
you are merely learning to access it… to use it… to be it

Getting strong now (which is really awesome btw), I realize that I always had STRONG in me – but perhaps like that $10 bill in my winter coat pocket, I didn’t always KNOW it was there ;)

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