frustrated… cried…. stuck to my plan…

I told you when I was in the thick of my weight loss journey, there was a lot of time spent crying and pouting because I could not have things I “wanted” or was used to getting… but those tearful moments were good lessons for me.  They taught me that I do have control over myself and if I have to let myself cry to get over it, that was ok.  They taught me that *I* am worth a few tears, worth the sometimes overwhelming effort.  They taught me that even if I was overwhelmed enough to cry, that I could *still* stick to my guns.

And after months and months of teaching myself that I could stick to my committments to ME, I was rewarded (several different times) with different tears… by reaching a goal that I was aiming for – a goal that sometimes seemed I’d set a little too high.  Even after a year in my “new” body I still feel giddy when I fit into a pair of jeans and or stand in front of the mirror and don’t feel sick and when I visit the doctor to be asked if I work out a lot because I have the heart rate of “a very athletic person”… these rewards are worth those tear drops even still!

And today I was reminded that getting to the “goal” is not the end of the effort OR the tears.  I was excited since breakfast to take myself to lunch today.  Nowhere fancy, just the local bbq joint – but I like it.  I like to sit there with my 1/2 pound of muscle turkey and enjoy… so I drove over later than I planned (therefore am starving by the way) and it was jam packed.  Being so hungry I was upset by the idea of having to wait and I really didn’t wanna enjoy my meal with so much noise, etc.  So I decide to go some place else.

The car is low on gas so I’ll have to stop and get some, and I am passing the store where I need to return something so I’ll have to stop and do that.  I am so mad now that I don’t even see any place that looks good.  I have a protein bar in my purse and contemplate eating that, but it will use up a good chunk of my calories so that will be my whole meal – not in the mood for that today.  So I decide I’ll just run my quick errands and go back home to the chicken in the fridge that I was not in the mood to eat.   Now it’s been about 30 minutes and I am so frustrated and hungry that the tears start coming.  It’s a stupid thing to cry about – there are easily 10 restaurants I could stop at to eat *something* – but I am so mad that those choices would take me off my plan.   There was a snickers at the store check out…… but you know I didn’t buy it ;) {yes frustrated and hungry Debi gets pretty irrational}

I cried my little cry and got home and ate chicken – cold because I was too hungry to heat it up.  And a whole crown of broccoli.  The crying is over, the hunger is gone, and I feel good about sticking to my plan.  Success isn’t always pretty ;)

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